Thoughts on Potty Training

This may seem like it’s coming from out of the blue. I mean, I only have a few friends whose kids are potty training but I felt urged to share some things that worked and most importantly, didn’t work for me (or my boys). The only reason I am on this topic is because my oldest, Stefan, is recently 100% potty trained. He is 4 years old and still wore a diaper during the night because that was what he was comfortable with. Well, I’m pleased to say that for the last 8ish days, he has worn big boy undies to bed and woke up each night, completely dry. Bone dry! Now I have my youngest, Ryder, who is really not serious about getting out of diapers at all. Yes, he will go #1 and very rarely #2 on the potty, but its only when he wants to. He controls the outflow and when it happens and nobody can tell him otherwise. To get on with it, this is what I have learned so far.

*Some of the things that did or did not work for me, may or may not work for you. I’m not judging or criticizing, just stating what I tried.

1.  Do not demand that they start using the potty on YOUR schedule. This does not work. They will only start to “train” when THEY are ready.

2.  Don’t let them run around in their underwear or naked all day. This may work at home, but it does absolutely nothing when you are away from home. In addition, if they do have an accident, there is nothing to stop the “excrement” from seeping right into your carpet or worse, your couch. And trust me; it is not easy to clean this smell out. I had to buy a whole new couch. At least cloths, even undies, would have caught a little bit.

3.  Someone once told me that if they have an accident in their underwear, leave them in it so they learn a lesson. DO NOT DO THIS. I could give a few reasons why but, it just seems like child abuse to me. It is wrong! And no, I did not try this one.

4.  Do not make them sit on the potty until they “go”. This will seem like a punishment and face it; the potty is scary at first. I did this one time and my boys did now want to sit on the potty again at all. They thought I was going to make them sit there all day. (Although the only time I tried this it was only for 10 minutes before a glorious poo made an appearance) I wish I hadn’t because it took me forever to get my now potty-trained champ to try again.

5.  Do not move a small potty to the hallway, bedroom, living room, or anywhere else besides the bathroom. We are not training an animal here. The only acceptable place to go to the bathroom is…in the bathroom. Unless you are on a long road trip or someplace where no bathroom is near, in this case, a tree is perfectly acceptable for boys. If you have a little girl, I don’t know what to tell you. J

6.  Incentives do not work. Okay, maybe they do work a little but they are more of a hassle than a help. If you start giving them candy for using the potty, they will expect it every time they go. Even if it is a little dribble, even if they are potty trained, even if they just sit there and do nothing “I swear mommy, I peed a little, can I have some candy?”

7.  Do not put them down. Saying things like, “you’re such a baby. You’re not a big boy because you’re still in diapers. I hate changing your diaper. Your nasty.” Is just going to hurt their feelings and give them a complex. Is negative reinforcement ever acceptable?

Now, let me tell you what works, or what worked for me. Let them go on their own time. Ask them if they have to go or if they want to go. Do not demand that they go. Praise even the smallest of trickles. Yes, I jumped up and down, hooted and hollered, danced around and gave them a high five. Say things that are encouraging, “Woohoo, look at you! What a big boy! I’m so happy, I’m so proud of you. Lets tell daddy/Grampa/anyone and everyone. You’re so awesome.” Next, bribe them. Okay, wait a minute. Lets use the word “incentive” instead of bribe. Yes, I said that incentives do not work but bear with me. I use this “incentive” in a different way. If he stayed dry all through the night, I told him that we would ride bikes the next day. If he stayed dry for two nights, we would have a movie night. These are the kind of bribes, excuse me, “incentives” that you always want. Its just family time but it seems like more because the secret is to make a big deal out of it. I said to my oldest, “If you stay dry all night (again), we are going to watch Cars2 and have a pajama and movie night with popcorn.” He was so excited. I even went as far as to get an adult size onsie pajama with footies so we could all wear matching pajamas. Even though it was just a movie night, it was a special time. Anyway, to make a long story…well…long, try what you want, just keep my tips in mind. They won’t be in diapers forever.

On a side note. My oldest kept asking for something to drink last night at bedtime. I know he was stalling. I kept saying no to the drink because he has been accident free and I knew that water would surely do him in. I didn’t want to take the chance of waking up to….a big mess. It reminded me of this joke………..

………”A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....''What?'' I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'' No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....''WHAT? ''I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....''WHAT!'' When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?”