Thoughts on Adoption

Being pregnant, I’ve been reading a lot about babies and pregnancy and adoption. Not that adoption is for me. I am looking forward to being a mom again. However, as I browse through articles and YouTube videos, I cannot help but to read and soak in some of the information I’m seeing about adoption and form my own opinions.

First of all, I think adoption is an amazing thing. Anyone who puts their baby up for adoption should be commended.  They didn’t want the baby, cannot take care of it or cannot afford it. I’m sure there are other reasons but I assume those are the top ones. People put up their babies because it’s for the best interest of the baby. Or both baby and mom. What are the alternatives to adoption if you don’t want to keep the baby? Well, just look in the news. Mothers abandon their babies, don’t take care of them properly, abuse them, and sometimes kill them. It’s heartbreaking, that’s why I think that anyone with enough courage to put their baby up for adoption for whatever reason you have, should get a big pat on the back.

I’m assuming the emotional battle with that though is the “hope” that your baby has a better life than you could provide. “I hope a great family adopts the baby”, “I hope the baby has many options in life”. Etc.…

On a second note: After doing some light research about orphanages, it’s apparent to me that orphanages in America are amongst the best in the world. In Ethiopia, women often relinquish their children due to the fact that they cannot feed them. Even older children are put into orphanages. Which hurts my heart because even though they will likely get slightly better care, I wonder what is going through those little kids minds? In a few documentaries, it was proved that in many of the overseas orphanages, the children had very poor hygiene. Including not brushing their teeth, hair, changing diapers regularly, showering regularly, and taking proper medications when needed. And although children are fed in these homes, it’s often not much more than they would get if not in the orphanage.

In Romania, there was a study done on the dramatic effect on brain development with children in orphanages. Many children are kept in a crib for the first year with no visual stimulation (or otherwise). They are deprived of the physical bond that is so crucial to development. The children in these circumstances lack the ability to form a relationship over time and will often self-harm. In almost every documentary you see about orphanages overseas, it appears that the children are raised almost as you’d raise cattle.

In China, families can only have 1 baby. Most families (women) prefer to have boys because it is believed that once the child is older, he will stay, take care of his family, and carry on the family name. It is believed that girls will grow up, get married, and move away. Because of this, many women in China give their newborn girls up for adoption, abandon them, or kill them. If a family has more than one baby and chooses to keep it, they are charged a very high fine from the government. This kind of population control could go awry in the future. Already, there are 75% boys in the schools. What happens 15 years from now? All of these children are grown and there are not enough girls to marry to every boy. Does this mean that there may be a threat to the girl’s safety as they get older? Is there a possibility of women being kidnapped, abused, raped, etc.…? More so than what already happens?

Because of all of the red tape in adoption, over the last 5 years, children adopted into the US has dropped about 50%. As I talked to a few of my friends about this, their opinion was, “Good, there is plenty of children right here in the US that need help. Let’s help our own children first!” This is a very understandable point and one that I will not criticize. Now, this is just my opinion…but children are children. PERIOD! No matter where in the world they are. They need love, stability, and family. I personally feel that people who are looking to adopt should adopt the neediest children. Be it children/babies overseas that are starving or malnourished or have been in a home for a few years or special needs children. Even older children. It is a fact that most adoptive parents want babies. What about the toddlers and older? Are they destined to just stay in state homes and orphanages? In addition, what is the effect of not having constant love from a family? Hugs, kisses, physical connections, and bonds. Those are foreign concepts to many of the children I speak of.

The problem is, adoption can be, and often is a long drawn out process. This is especially true in overseas adoptions. So much is involved. It’s a simple process but a complex journey at the same time.

•First adoptive parents need to contact an agency and choose a country to adopt from

•Then you fill out the application and pay the application fee

•Many people have to go to educational classes about raising an adopted child

•Home studies are done along with interviews and physical evaluations

•They scrutinize your medical records, bank statements, tax returns, birth certificates, marriage license, references, employment and family history.

•There’s more paperwork

•You need to get passports if adopting from another country. Fingerprinting and FBI background checks.

All of this before you get a referral to a child. Then, you will fill out more forms so that the US can evaluate whether or not this child qualifies to be adopted.

•Paperwork is reviewed. In which is a process that takes months and in some cases, years to complete. Even after all of that, there is a lot of red tape and paperwork after the adoption.

Some people, I mean great families that could provide the world to a child in need, often are not able to adopt. It makes me wonder how celebrities can get through this process so quickly and so often.

It seems to me that with any adoption, the process could be sped up a bit. And it should be. Why not try to get these kids into the homes of great loving families as quickly as possible? I still stand by my original opinion about adoption from all sides being a great idea. I just think that the process needs to be revamped and many people need to stop being so close-minded about just wanting babies or just wanting American babies. This post is not intended to scare anyone who is thinking about putting a baby up for adoption. However, I do know that if you choose adoption for you baby, you can work through an agency and actually PICK who your baby goes to. This is very helpful because this could totally bypass your baby from ever having to go to foster care or an orphanage. Additionally, don’t condemn or criticize people for adopting babies from overseas. Regardless of where the child comes from, it’s obvious that he or she needs a family and love. Congratulate the person for having the courage to go through everything they did to help a child in need and accept it into their family as one of them.

I was watching this standup act from Sarah Silverman yesterday and she talked about how a woman was sitting there breastfeeding her baby with 4 other kids all running around her and she was talking about puppies and about how people should always get their puppies from a shelter instead of a breeder. And Sarah Silverman said, “You should get your people from a shelter. They do have “People puppies!” I thought it was funny and thought I would share.

Till next time…