Crazy, Awesome, and Absolutely Miserable

I often wonder to myself if my relationship is…up to par. Too many thought swirl around in my head and I’m a little frustrated right now so maybe this isn’t a good time to blog but…I feel like I need to. I often wonder to myself what other people’s relationships are like. How does the man treat the woman? How do THEY fight? What kinds of things do they do as a couple? What is a good relationship as opposed to a bad one? Can a bad one change? Can a good one get better? Knowing the answers to these questions about others and how they are treated would really enlighten me.

I do not want to get into depth about my relationship but I feel that it is quite lacking and could improve immensely. But then, how do you improve it? Do you be more submissive as to avoid arguments? Or do you stand up for what you think or believe in regardless of what kind of outcome it will have? We can’t pick and choose the things we want when we are with someone. There is no “Add to Cart” button. We just take what we are given and pray it’s as great as we expected. It’s funny how things can change. Or how people can change. I used to be shy, quiet, and quite reserved. Yes, I’m still a little shy, but if you know me, I’m not quiet OR reserved.

Also, what kind of information do people share with each other. “He” was mad/upset that I wouldn’t give him my username and password for my e-mail address. His point was, I know his, he should know mine. He thinks I am hiding something. If only he believed that I am not. I just think that everyone, weather in a relationship or not, needs to have that private place to go. I mean, I e-mail personal things to my besties, communicate with co-workers and even e-mail his dad. The rest is junk mail and garbage. I have nothing to hide, yet I feel it is disrespectful to demand this information from me. This is my personal “mailbox”. Yes, we are in a relationship but, this is something that he has no right to have. I sometimes wonder what men are so worried about. Maybe it is a lack of trust. On a daily basis, I’m either at work or at home. There is no place else, I go unless the day calls for a grocery store run. Anyway, I wouldn’t care if he changed his password so I don’t know it. The only reason I do is because he forgot his and I had to help him set up a new one. I don’t ever check it. I wouldn’t. It would be like reading his diary or reading his mind. Unethical.

They say that if you love someone, that you should fight for them. Do everything in your power to make things work. Accept the little things that bother you, communicate, have compassion, be considerate, treat them how you want to be treated, Never Give up. If you love them, never stop showing it. Be passionate about making it work no matter what.  But what about when the fight gets too dirty? Sometimes its hard to know when you should keep up the fight or when you should throw in the towel. I wonder what the required length of fight is. And I wonder why I’m the only one fighting most of the time.

~Thank you God for blessing me with the two most amazing boys. In a million years, I will never be able to thank you for enriching my life, as you have by giving them to me! They are great and I LOVE THEM!

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Small Joke:

Husband: I love you. Wife: Is that you or the beer talking? Husband: That’s me…….Talking to the beer.

So there I was…Spitting on my goldfish to keep it alive.

…Okay, so this post has nothing to do with goldfish. I got you here though didn’t I? lol. I wanted to get everyone together to share some valuable information. Are you ready for this?

*Public Service Announcement*                                                                                                                                          I have created a new social network used to communicate with people right in front of you.                                                        It’s called MyFace.

My face, get it? Haha…no?Just me? Alright then. I’m trying to talk about the fact that nobody really communicates face to face anymore. Be it a family member, friend, coworker, or acquaintance, we seem to have distant relationships now. I don’t think this is technically a bad thing but I do think that it poses a problem for the younger generation. I wonder if my children or my children’s children will have any personal, face-to-face relationships at all. Think about it. How long have websites like MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter been around? Not long right? Even e-mail, Skype, and texting is a part of this lack of closeness. Look how much has changed since before these websites blew up.

I never talk on the phone anymore. I either e-mail or text. Whenever I get a phone call, I hold the phone to my face and don’t know what to say. Hearing a voice on the other line is surprising. They ask a question and you don’t have time to think about what you’re going to “text” before you respond. For me, I think it affects my reaction time. Coming up with a response on the fly is harder because I so often do not have to do it. I e-mail all the most important people in my life and I think I would rather Skype than go our somewhere. I’m used to the comfort of my own home. I don’t have to wonder what I sound like an If I say something stupid, I can delete it. It is as if we become our optimal self through writing/texting. If you’re wondering what Josie is doing, don’t call her. Check her Facebook, text her, or see if she Tweeted. But gosh forbid, don’t call her. People don’t do that anymore. I have to say, I miss it sometimes. I’m not sure if I am happy with my boys being raised in a world where physical contact/communication is not necessary. How did we live without these things before? How did our parents and their parents live? What about when there were no cell phones or computers? Sheesh, it’s not as if it was that long ago. I’m sure they had their own “thing”. Take the cavemen for example; they were posting on walls before it was cool. Did we steal the idea?

In addition, I haven’t been to the library in…I can’t remember how long. I rely on Google for a great majority of all of my research and anything I want or need to know really. “Who are the actors in I Love You Man? What is Garbage Island (that’s a different topic)?” The things we are able to search online is amazing. All the answers right before us. We don’t even need to leave our home. It sometimes makes me wonder, What if they read a list of everything you’ve ever typed into Google before entering heaven. Would you still be able to enter? Would St. Peter laugh or cry?

Everything we do, can be done from our computers. We can work, go to school, order food, visit with friends, shop, gamble…the list goes on forever. With being in school for IT, I think deeper into the inner workings of technology (or at least I try to) rather than the frosting on the surface. My inquisitiveness and need to “know” had started in front of my computer screen and branched out into other aspects of my life. Not always in good ways though. At B-Dubs a couple weeks ago, a waitress came to take our order and asked if we were ready. I said yes, but give me just a second. She asked me if I had any questions about the menu and I said, “Yeah, what kind of font is this?” She didn’t know of course and I felt like a total nerd. I looked over to my friend and said, “I’m sure it’s a form of Berlin Sans.” She gave me this look that clearly said…Are you kidding me?

On the flip side. I’m happy with technology an all the newness of everything. The bottom line is, I feel that it takes away from my having any sort of real (in person) conversations with anyone anymore. I have this weird feeling that when the boys are older, I’ll have to text them, “Hey, are you coming to dinner? Is this laundry on your floor clean or dirty? “

Maybe I’m making a big deal out of something that really isn’t. I’m so tired right now that I don’t remember anything I just wrote…the next post will be much better, I promise. Momma’s gotta get some sleep…..zzz…..